bonuspoints

i wake up and stare out the window but only see a hazy reflection of myself staring back at me. so i curl up into a ball and think about my mother and all that she had hoped for me. and it is with those thoughts of always letting her down that i finally get out of bed. i look to the memory of you and see you lying there with your hair in your eyes and i feel so sad that i can never brush it aside your face anymore. it is with these heavy feet that i walk into the world and the footprints i leave behind me are a legacy in which old soldiers will always go to die. i’m too old, some would say, and in their eyes i see that they know i’m lying because i’m really just a coward who is so fucking afraid of death. oh god mother please help me go on with this life, because in every pane of glass i can only see how you finally gave up on me. and i’m aware that the world is doing the same. but if i could only break out of this pattern and become one with the earth i know that i will have finally accomplished something. to die right now with the thought of your hair in your eyes. never thinking of the let down, never thinking about the demise of our so called lives. i would be a stranger to happiness, and i would float above clouds on my patched up wings.

what if you just laugh and i say i’m alright
then we drink our separate coffees with our special sugars and talk about the weather
and what if in time we grow to realize that we’re not right for each other
but that kid screams our name and the bank is at our backs howling
what if i forget what love is in a corner with wolves mimicking my every move
i’m afraid that life may bring me down or give into all my misfortunes
the ones i’ve never had and the ones that i anticipate
what if i fall asleep tonight to dreams of glory and riches
and then when i wake up i’m blind to how magnificent you really are
and you have to understand 
it’s not that you’re not it’s just that i can’t
i’m just struggling to realize that this is where i am
yet still remembering the thoughts when i was a kid
when a box was a world and a kiss was a universe away
what if i miss the yearning that’s a bedsheet before me
what if i choose to believe that my imagination is dead
is it my fault that the kid is in his bed on broken dreams
dancing the line between comfort and forgiveness
will he let me live this down
when all i can think about is the way you laughed your broken heart out
and i turned my head opposite the sun and said i was alright as if you didn’t know i was lying

we gathered around in a circle and made observations as to how we were
and they said you were a lesbian but not as a bad thing we just said you were a lesbian
while our marshmallows burnt and the talk got dark we decided as a whole that nothing said tonight would leave this circle
so one said he wanted to die and another that he wished we all would
someone said they believed in heaven and the other proclaimed we were all in hell
but i sat there with my half charred stick and said what if when we died we became whatever we wanted to be
and the girl with the bow in her hair forgot about everything her father ever said to her
and the boy with the pockets full of gold thought of what it would be like to have nothing
and we all went skinny dipping in the lake and forgot what it was to be each other
while the couples kissed each others lips inside the reflections of the moon

ladybing asked: you are beautiful. believe every word of it.

(L)_(L)

Anonymous asked: dood, ur tumblr is gai. Thee otha gui had it straight, quit ur homo rightin'. wurd homie.

thee otha gui had it straight, quit ur homo rightin’. wurd homie.

awesome!

Anonymous asked: u r a homo. u ryte a but homo stuf. YOU SMELL.

this is the best message ever!

you’re not enough to keep me tethered to the ground
but just what i need to remind me of it
and all that i’d want to look up to 
when you join me up in the clouds

when we get too close to the sun
and sweat gets in our eyes
we’ll laugh at the thought of burning up
but not really care at all

thank you
the morning room

this probably won’t work but i really want to write and am suffering from a nasty case of the writers block.
so if you could help me out with an idea you may like to see turned into a lil poem thing hit up that ask box and let me know

also! if i know you i can maybe write one about you.
even if i don’t i can just look through your blog and write about what comes to mind.

i’ll credit all ideas with links to your blog i just really need my fix.

those sparkling lights that flit before my eyes and dart off into nothing are just begging for me to follow
but i know i can’t and i know i’m stuck here
it’s just some hope that there’s something better out there
because there has got to be something better out there
and there has got to be a place where there are only those sparkling lights where we can lay on our backs and touch each others bodies with the palms of our hands and not worry about anything but getting cold when we move too far apart.

the little hairs on my ears stood tall at attention when you leaned in and whispered about the dying
and for a little while that was our poetry, your darkest words set upon the backdrop of crumpled up blankets and burned out lights
i would see in the dark if you told me i could because you wouldn’t spoil a lie with something as juvenile as that
tell me that i’m alive and that everything is ok right now and that we can’t go wrong because going wrong is for humans and we’re more than that aren’t we?
put your hand over my chest and breathe into it and ask me stupid questions like is it warm can your heart feel that?
write me a poem that makes no sense without purpose or punctuation so i can look back on this night and think at least your lies were only mine to love